Dearest of friends and readers,
I know so many of you are praying for Agatha, and I wanted to reach out and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers. She woke up early looking for her morning cookie and following John through the kitchen watching carefully that he not forget where her treats were kept.
I cling to hope when I watch her wagging tail this afternoon and extreme interest in what is in her supper dish and yet during the night was awake and ready to leave with her for that last trip to the veterinarian. (Things are always so much worse at night when it feels like the whole world is asleep but you aren’t they?). She slept peacefully and then fitfully and a deep cough woke her every few hours, signs of the wretched condition that afflicts her. I laid on the couch to be near her and in the middle of the night she came over and sat beside me while I stroked her silky little head over and over and over and prayed.
Yesterday, I drove into town hurriedly to stop at the post office to quickly drop some orders off that needed to be on their way and at our small market to pick up things to tempt her appetite (which thankfully is good). I wore sorrow like a garment and my eyes would fill with tears at the least kindness. Glancing down at the packages in the post office, prancing Agatha stickers adorning every box almost overwhelmed me, the nice man who carried my purchases to my car nearly reduced me to weeping, a frozen pain somewhere deep inside that made me cold with worry.
I rushed home worried and found her looking cheerfully at the bags, almost her old self and but a rough cough still very much in evidence and I watch her knowing we need a miracle and yet trying to pray that if we are not granted one that He will be with us through the hours and perhaps days ahead.
I beg your continued prayers, yes, that she go quietly when her time comes, but oh that I have wisdom and courage to know if the time comes when I must allow that process to come medically… I will not allow her to suffer but oh God that the end does not come that way…
Forgive me for this most emotional and wrenchingly honest of letters, I must thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, your loving words, your letters and sharing your stories, they have made this time more bearable. Yesterday afternoon I read through them and felt that glacier inside begin to melt as I wept, knowing that you love her too, even though you’ve perhaps never met her, has comforted me in this time of pain.
With much love and gratitude,